My English teacher also finds your advice to be a little far out however she didn’t mind me using what I learned from you as I was still getting high marks.
On the topic of essay structures for paper 2 question 5 I have my own structure which is must closer to your style that I have created for myself to follow. When I put it into an ai to give a response it is able to produce an essay that scores 40/40 on Tilf. I’ve left the structure and the essay in question in a reply to this comment in case it is useful/interesting to anybody.
Imagine a world where your daily commute is merely a nostalgic memory, replaced by the seamless integration of education into the comfort of your own space. Picture waking up, grabbing a cup of coffee, and stepping into a virtual classroom that feels just as engaging as the one down the street, minus the hassle. This is a world where harmony between convenience and quality education reigns supreme, transforming our chaotic lives into a symphony of efficiency and learning. (The opening paragraph is engaging and sets a vivid scene for the reader. The use of imagery like 'daily commute is merely a nostalgic memory' and 'seamless integration of education' effectively captures the reader's attention. The tone is compelling and the vocabulary is ambitious, which aligns well with the purpose of the article. (At the top of Level 4))
Now, let’s talk about the mess we’re in today. Our current educational system is an outdated dinosaur, trudging along in the digital age with the grace of a clumsy toddler. We're stuck in traffic, wasting precious hours just to sit in overcrowded classrooms where the back row might as well be a different zip code. The beautiful simplicity of ancient civilizations, where scholars gathered under the stars to share knowledge, is a far cry from our sterile, fluorescent-lit rooms. Even animals in the wild demonstrate better learning environments for their young. If they can create a balanced system, why can’t we? (This paragraph effectively critiques the current educational system, using strong metaphors and comparisons to highlight its flaws. Phrases like 'outdated dinosaur' and 'grace of a clumsy toddler' are vivid and memorable. The argument is clear and the tone is consistent with the purpose of the article. (At the top of Level 4))
Fast forward to a future where we’ve ignored the potential of online learning. Picture this: crumbling schools, overburdened teachers, and students who are more familiar with the insides of a bus than the joy of learning. The classrooms of tomorrow are dystopian nightmares filled with disengaged, burnt-out students who dread the monotonous routine of their daily grind. Is this truly the future we want to hand over to the next generation? (The paragraph paints a bleak picture of the future without online learning, using strong imagery and a dystopian vision to emphasize the potential consequences. The language is compelling and the ideas are well-developed, maintaining the reader's engagement. (At the top of Level 4))
I doubt it. But guess what? There’s another path, one where we embrace the best of technology and education. Imagine a future where students of all backgrounds access world-class education from their homes. Virtual classrooms buzzing with interactive discussions, personalized learning paths tailored to individual needs, and a balance between screen time and real-world exploration. This isn’t a distant dream but a reachable goal, where education transcends traditional boundaries to foster creativity and critical thinking. (This paragraph offers a positive vision of the future with online learning, using vivid imagery and a hopeful tone. The ideas are complex and well-developed, and the language is both ambitious and effective. The paragraph is highly engaging and maintains a clear focus on the benefits of online learning. (At the top of Level 4))
Now, I know this utopia sounds like a fairy tale, but it’s within our grasp. To get there, we need a few practical steps. First, invest in robust online learning platforms that are accessible and user-friendly. Second, train educators to effectively use digital tools, ensuring they can engage students in meaningful ways. Third, create a blended learning model that combines the best of in-person and online education, giving students the flexibility they need to thrive. Lastly, encourage a cultural shift that values online learning as much as traditional methods, breaking the stigma and embracing the future. (The paragraph provides practical steps to achieve the vision of online learning, which adds a realistic and actionable element to the argument. The tone remains convincing and the vocabulary is extensive. The ideas are clearly linked and well-organized, making the argument compelling. (At the top of Level 4))
Returning to our initial vision, imagine a world where every morning begins with a choice: learn in the way that suits you best. The beauty and harmony of such a system aren’t just fantasy—they’re attainable realities if we commit to change. Picture a garden in full bloom, where each student is a flower thriving under the care of an enlightened, modern education system. This is the future we can create, a symphony of learning that’s as beautiful as it is effective. All we have to do is choose it. (The concluding paragraph effectively ties back to the opening vision, reinforcing the argument with a strong, positive image. The language is ambitious and the ideas are seamlessly integrated, providing a satisfying conclusion to the article. The tone remains consistent and the argument is compelling. (At the top of Level 4))
Level: 4
Mark: 40
(Scores are Beta features and may not be very accurate.)
Overall feedback: Your article is highly engaging and compelling, with a clear and convincing argument throughout. The use of vivid imagery and ambitious vocabulary effectively captures the reader's attention and maintains their interest. Your ideas are well-developed and seamlessly integrated, making your argument both persuasive and memorable. Excellent work!
What went well: Your use of vivid imagery and ambitious vocabulary is highly effective in capturing the reader's attention and maintaining their interest. Your argument is clear, convincing, and well-developed, with a consistent tone throughout.
Even better if: Consider incorporating more specific examples or evidence to support your argument, which could further strengthen your case. Additionally, ensure that your practical steps are detailed and actionable to provide a clear path forward.
This template is such a clever way of structuring your writing, Samuel.
I would say that AI and Tilf (which is based on ChatGPT) still have issues with metaphor.
In particular, AI doesn't yet understand how to avoid mixed metaphor, for example the dinosaur and the clumsy toddler in the same sentence.
It is also very fond of metaphor which is cliche - this is incredibly hard to avoid as it works by predicting the probable next word - this will always lead to a probable metaphor, rather than a new perspective.
That said, it would clearly still get a top grade 9 in the exam, sadly.
Write in the tone of a sassy adult don’t use subheadings:
Introduction
• Opening Imagery: Begin with a vivid metaphor rich depiction of the beauty that can result from following your advice. Use direct address to engage the reader. Describe a world transformed, where harmony and aesthetics are paramount.
Paragraph 1: The Dystopian Present
• Descriptive Reality: Paint a grim picture of the current state of society, using hyperbolic language and synonyms to emphasize the negative aspects. Mention cultural points that the reader can relate to.
• Contrast with the Past: Compare this bleak reality with a glorious past human achievement or the natural order in the animal kingdom
• Rhetorical Question: Ask, if ancient civilizations or even animals could achieve such greatness, why can’t modern humans do the same?
Paragraph 2: A Pessimistic Future
• Negative Prediction: Describe the world 10 or 30 years from now if we continue on the current path. Use vivid and detailed descriptions to create a sense of a dysfunctional society.
• Imperative Tone: Stress that this dystopian future is inevitable if no changes are made. Pose a rhetorical question asking if this is truly what we want.
Paragraph 3: The Ideal Future
• Contrast and Hope: telling the reader that they too would not want this by saying a phrase along the lines of I doubt it and then present an alternative future where the proposed changes lead to a utopian society. Use vivid descriptions to paint a picture of this ideal world.
• Utopian Vision: Hyperbolize the positive changes, making them seem not just possible but within reach.
Paragraph 4: Practical Solutions
• Realistic Approach: Acknowledge that this utopia might seem far off, but argue that it is actually quite simple to achieve.
• Solutions List: Provide a list of practical steps or solutions that can lead to the desired change. Keep the solutions actionable and straightforward.
Conclusion: Returning to the Imagery
• Full Circle: Tie back to the opening imagery, reiterating that such beauty and harmony are attainable if the advice is followed.
• Powerful Imagery: End with a striking image or thought that will leave a lasting impression on the reader
As an English tutor, I find students are by and large are taught the same PEEL/ PETAL paragraph structures but students only need to be gently persuaded to try your methods.
Some methods do seem a bit out there to be honest like writing a numbered list for the English Language papers, but I’m all for anything which simplifies for the process.
English teachers definitely can be very stiff. My mentor on my PGCE placement was just like ‘is that some Youtube nonsense?’ when I mentioned your videos.
I don’t know why so many English teachers are resistant to change because schools fail students miserably.
The waffle that an average 16 year old writes for their GCSEs makes you think English as it’s being taught now is just pointless.
Yes, I'm so disappointed with what we teach 16 year olds to write!
You are right, my points method for language reading questions really is a bit out there - but it feels like the only logical explanation of how to get marks. I feel like (and this is just an analogy rather than hubristic self aggrandisement) I've just worked out that the sun does not revolve around the Earth ...
As a teacher of over 23 years and an examiner, I am a big fan. It is so important to learn from experience, not to mention impressive subject knowledge. IMHO don’t waste too much time worrying about whether teachers like you. Oftentimes, in education, too much is still not enough. Sadly, many teachers are forced to live in fear of results and Ofsted, but they genuinely want their students to do as well as they possibly can. This can lead to many acting like parents who want their children to ride a bike but never fall off. Therefore, stabilisers are firmly kept on. When they watch someone cycling past showing their children how to do a handstand on the handle bars, they become nervous! Please keep doing what you do. I, for one, am constantly learning from you as are, probably, many of the teachers who caution their students against you.
Thanks Carmen, I have to say I agree with your perspective about why teachers would might be put off by my teaching, and also your advice not to worry about this.
I'm an English teacher and I've found your videos hugely helpful and inspiring. Your approach has totally influenced how I teach GCSE and I think it's impacted their success a great deal. A genuine thank you from me and my students!
My English teachers warn to steer clear of any English YouTuber apart from Mr Bruff... I did not listen
Thanks Louis
Too much for English teachers? There’s not enough Mr Salles’! Long live the excellent guidance of this Mr Salles!
Thanks Lee. I'm 60 next month. Here's hoping!
My English teacher also finds your advice to be a little far out however she didn’t mind me using what I learned from you as I was still getting high marks.
On the topic of essay structures for paper 2 question 5 I have my own structure which is must closer to your style that I have created for myself to follow. When I put it into an ai to give a response it is able to produce an essay that scores 40/40 on Tilf. I’ve left the structure and the essay in question in a reply to this comment in case it is useful/interesting to anybody.
Essay marked by Tilf:
Imagine a world where your daily commute is merely a nostalgic memory, replaced by the seamless integration of education into the comfort of your own space. Picture waking up, grabbing a cup of coffee, and stepping into a virtual classroom that feels just as engaging as the one down the street, minus the hassle. This is a world where harmony between convenience and quality education reigns supreme, transforming our chaotic lives into a symphony of efficiency and learning. (The opening paragraph is engaging and sets a vivid scene for the reader. The use of imagery like 'daily commute is merely a nostalgic memory' and 'seamless integration of education' effectively captures the reader's attention. The tone is compelling and the vocabulary is ambitious, which aligns well with the purpose of the article. (At the top of Level 4))
Now, let’s talk about the mess we’re in today. Our current educational system is an outdated dinosaur, trudging along in the digital age with the grace of a clumsy toddler. We're stuck in traffic, wasting precious hours just to sit in overcrowded classrooms where the back row might as well be a different zip code. The beautiful simplicity of ancient civilizations, where scholars gathered under the stars to share knowledge, is a far cry from our sterile, fluorescent-lit rooms. Even animals in the wild demonstrate better learning environments for their young. If they can create a balanced system, why can’t we? (This paragraph effectively critiques the current educational system, using strong metaphors and comparisons to highlight its flaws. Phrases like 'outdated dinosaur' and 'grace of a clumsy toddler' are vivid and memorable. The argument is clear and the tone is consistent with the purpose of the article. (At the top of Level 4))
Fast forward to a future where we’ve ignored the potential of online learning. Picture this: crumbling schools, overburdened teachers, and students who are more familiar with the insides of a bus than the joy of learning. The classrooms of tomorrow are dystopian nightmares filled with disengaged, burnt-out students who dread the monotonous routine of their daily grind. Is this truly the future we want to hand over to the next generation? (The paragraph paints a bleak picture of the future without online learning, using strong imagery and a dystopian vision to emphasize the potential consequences. The language is compelling and the ideas are well-developed, maintaining the reader's engagement. (At the top of Level 4))
I doubt it. But guess what? There’s another path, one where we embrace the best of technology and education. Imagine a future where students of all backgrounds access world-class education from their homes. Virtual classrooms buzzing with interactive discussions, personalized learning paths tailored to individual needs, and a balance between screen time and real-world exploration. This isn’t a distant dream but a reachable goal, where education transcends traditional boundaries to foster creativity and critical thinking. (This paragraph offers a positive vision of the future with online learning, using vivid imagery and a hopeful tone. The ideas are complex and well-developed, and the language is both ambitious and effective. The paragraph is highly engaging and maintains a clear focus on the benefits of online learning. (At the top of Level 4))
Now, I know this utopia sounds like a fairy tale, but it’s within our grasp. To get there, we need a few practical steps. First, invest in robust online learning platforms that are accessible and user-friendly. Second, train educators to effectively use digital tools, ensuring they can engage students in meaningful ways. Third, create a blended learning model that combines the best of in-person and online education, giving students the flexibility they need to thrive. Lastly, encourage a cultural shift that values online learning as much as traditional methods, breaking the stigma and embracing the future. (The paragraph provides practical steps to achieve the vision of online learning, which adds a realistic and actionable element to the argument. The tone remains convincing and the vocabulary is extensive. The ideas are clearly linked and well-organized, making the argument compelling. (At the top of Level 4))
Returning to our initial vision, imagine a world where every morning begins with a choice: learn in the way that suits you best. The beauty and harmony of such a system aren’t just fantasy—they’re attainable realities if we commit to change. Picture a garden in full bloom, where each student is a flower thriving under the care of an enlightened, modern education system. This is the future we can create, a symphony of learning that’s as beautiful as it is effective. All we have to do is choose it. (The concluding paragraph effectively ties back to the opening vision, reinforcing the argument with a strong, positive image. The language is ambitious and the ideas are seamlessly integrated, providing a satisfying conclusion to the article. The tone remains consistent and the argument is compelling. (At the top of Level 4))
Level: 4
Mark: 40
(Scores are Beta features and may not be very accurate.)
Overall feedback: Your article is highly engaging and compelling, with a clear and convincing argument throughout. The use of vivid imagery and ambitious vocabulary effectively captures the reader's attention and maintains their interest. Your ideas are well-developed and seamlessly integrated, making your argument both persuasive and memorable. Excellent work!
What went well: Your use of vivid imagery and ambitious vocabulary is highly effective in capturing the reader's attention and maintaining their interest. Your argument is clear, convincing, and well-developed, with a consistent tone throughout.
Even better if: Consider incorporating more specific examples or evidence to support your argument, which could further strengthen your case. Additionally, ensure that your practical steps are detailed and actionable to provide a clear path forward.
This template is such a clever way of structuring your writing, Samuel.
I would say that AI and Tilf (which is based on ChatGPT) still have issues with metaphor.
In particular, AI doesn't yet understand how to avoid mixed metaphor, for example the dinosaur and the clumsy toddler in the same sentence.
It is also very fond of metaphor which is cliche - this is incredibly hard to avoid as it works by predicting the probable next word - this will always lead to a probable metaphor, rather than a new perspective.
That said, it would clearly still get a top grade 9 in the exam, sadly.
Structure and tone I gave the AI:
Write in the tone of a sassy adult don’t use subheadings:
Introduction
• Opening Imagery: Begin with a vivid metaphor rich depiction of the beauty that can result from following your advice. Use direct address to engage the reader. Describe a world transformed, where harmony and aesthetics are paramount.
Paragraph 1: The Dystopian Present
• Descriptive Reality: Paint a grim picture of the current state of society, using hyperbolic language and synonyms to emphasize the negative aspects. Mention cultural points that the reader can relate to.
• Contrast with the Past: Compare this bleak reality with a glorious past human achievement or the natural order in the animal kingdom
• Rhetorical Question: Ask, if ancient civilizations or even animals could achieve such greatness, why can’t modern humans do the same?
Paragraph 2: A Pessimistic Future
• Negative Prediction: Describe the world 10 or 30 years from now if we continue on the current path. Use vivid and detailed descriptions to create a sense of a dysfunctional society.
• Imperative Tone: Stress that this dystopian future is inevitable if no changes are made. Pose a rhetorical question asking if this is truly what we want.
Paragraph 3: The Ideal Future
• Contrast and Hope: telling the reader that they too would not want this by saying a phrase along the lines of I doubt it and then present an alternative future where the proposed changes lead to a utopian society. Use vivid descriptions to paint a picture of this ideal world.
• Utopian Vision: Hyperbolize the positive changes, making them seem not just possible but within reach.
Paragraph 4: Practical Solutions
• Realistic Approach: Acknowledge that this utopia might seem far off, but argue that it is actually quite simple to achieve.
• Solutions List: Provide a list of practical steps or solutions that can lead to the desired change. Keep the solutions actionable and straightforward.
Conclusion: Returning to the Imagery
• Full Circle: Tie back to the opening imagery, reiterating that such beauty and harmony are attainable if the advice is followed.
• Powerful Imagery: End with a striking image or thought that will leave a lasting impression on the reader
As an English tutor, I find students are by and large are taught the same PEEL/ PETAL paragraph structures but students only need to be gently persuaded to try your methods.
Some methods do seem a bit out there to be honest like writing a numbered list for the English Language papers, but I’m all for anything which simplifies for the process.
English teachers definitely can be very stiff. My mentor on my PGCE placement was just like ‘is that some Youtube nonsense?’ when I mentioned your videos.
I don’t know why so many English teachers are resistant to change because schools fail students miserably.
The waffle that an average 16 year old writes for their GCSEs makes you think English as it’s being taught now is just pointless.
Hi Morgan,
Yes, I'm so disappointed with what we teach 16 year olds to write!
You are right, my points method for language reading questions really is a bit out there - but it feels like the only logical explanation of how to get marks. I feel like (and this is just an analogy rather than hubristic self aggrandisement) I've just worked out that the sun does not revolve around the Earth ...
As a teacher of over 23 years and an examiner, I am a big fan. It is so important to learn from experience, not to mention impressive subject knowledge. IMHO don’t waste too much time worrying about whether teachers like you. Oftentimes, in education, too much is still not enough. Sadly, many teachers are forced to live in fear of results and Ofsted, but they genuinely want their students to do as well as they possibly can. This can lead to many acting like parents who want their children to ride a bike but never fall off. Therefore, stabilisers are firmly kept on. When they watch someone cycling past showing their children how to do a handstand on the handle bars, they become nervous! Please keep doing what you do. I, for one, am constantly learning from you as are, probably, many of the teachers who caution their students against you.
Thanks Carmen, I have to say I agree with your perspective about why teachers would might be put off by my teaching, and also your advice not to worry about this.
I'm an English teacher and I've found your videos hugely helpful and inspiring. Your approach has totally influenced how I teach GCSE and I think it's impacted their success a great deal. A genuine thank you from me and my students!
Thanks Tom, I'm very glad.
I always recommend your videos to students and love to learn your new insights so count me as a big fan. (8th year teacher).
Thank you very much Kat.
Thanks for the share. Great to see the feedback provided. Keep up the great work.
Thanks Matt, I am not sure it is feedback. I hope readers check out your book.