Here is a 26/30 essay from the exam. That’s the beginning of grade 9.
This is from a student who scored 30/30 on several of her other essays. So, this is a clue that the comparison is more difficult, and that she is also missing a trick or two.
I think there are two main things to learn from it:
Comparing each poem continually, point by point, is difficult, and should be avoided.
The easiest way to compare is to:
Write a thesis statement which compares the two poems.
Then write all about one poem.
Then write all about the second poem - referring back to similarities or differences as you notice them.
Then write a conclusion which sums up the difference or similarity in the poet’s viewpoints.
Be as specific and clear as possible. Don’t try to be clever. This is very difficult to explain. But you will see this student often writes sentences which look like an analysis, but because they are not specific, they are not clear.
Below you will get the essay marked by Tilf.io.
Then paid subscribers will get my feedback.
Both sets of feedback will teach you how to compare, whether you study Power and Conflict or Love and Relationships.
Question: How do the poets present the power of love in … and a poem of your choice
Tilf.io gave it Level 5 (which would be a mark of 25). See what you think about the advice it gives:
Tilf
Feedback
In both Sonnet 29 and Love’s Philosophy the speakers present the power of love to be greatly consuming and as something that can be constantly desired – common of the romantic period. However, while Shelley suggests ideas of love being fluid with themes of duality and the intersection with nature, Browning suggests the power of love can be all-consuming and perhaps overwhelming.
(This introduction effectively sets up a comparison between the two poems and introduces the thematic focus on the power of love. It's good that you've identified the poets' different approaches to the theme.
Try to directly link these observations back to the question by explicitly stating how these approaches convey the poets' ideas about the power of love.)
Both speakers present the romantic power of love to be constantly desired and with the theme of duality. The mountains “mingle” with rivers and the sea, indicating Shelley’s view that the power of love and power of nature are almost intersectional. The verb “mingle” suggests a gentle meeting, contrasting the later verb of “clasp”, connoting both tenacity and desire. The contrasting verbs present Shelley’s ideas of how love can develop and change, r his persuasive piece of wanting a required relationship. The further use of water imagery connotes fluidity, which perhaps displays Shelley’s ideas of the rhythm and synchronicity of both love and nature. However, Browning presents her ideas of the power of love with moods of power and tenacity. Browning employs the use of exclamatory language of “I think of thee!” accentuating the overbearing feelings of love she experiences. The employment of caesura following could perhaps further the idea of her thoughts being uncontrolled and constantly changing due to the overwhelming hold love has on her at this point. Ideas of duality are presented through Browning’s use of the previous “I” and “thee”. This direct address displays Browning’s view of love with themes of togetherness and these thoughts slowly consume her.
(Your analysis of the language and imagery used by both poets is insightful, particularly your discussion of the contrasting verbs 'mingle' and 'clasp'. This effectively demonstrates how the poets convey their ideas about the power of love.
To strengthen your response, consider exploring how these techniques affect the reader's understanding of love's power.)
Moreover, both poets present the power of love to be all consuming and omnipotent as their emotions develop. The power of love is seen to be great through the use of biblical imagery. Browning seeks divine intervention to justify and rationalise her disorderly emotions. The phrase “Oh my palm love” connotes ideas of maturity, indicative of Browning trying to justify her emotions. This constant justification could perhaps be because of the rarity of women being allowed to express emotions in the Romantic Victorian era as the initial intention of the poem was for the private eyes of Robert Browning. The poem is also a sonnet, a quintessentially romantic poem, typically for the use of mans to express their emotions. Further ideas of the all consuming power of love are clear when they “inspire” her. The verb “inspire” connotes inevitability and almost an echo chamber of emotions, displaying the extent of the power of love.
(This paragraph offers a nuanced understanding of the thematic and historical context of Browning's poem, which enriches your analysis. The mention of the sonnet form and its historical implications is particularly insightful.
To further enhance your response, consider how Shelley's use of natural imagery compares to Browning's use of biblical imagery in conveying the power of love.)
In contrast, Shelly presents his ideas of the overwhelming emotions he has succumbed to through the volta, questioning the value of something as powerful as nature if his love doesn’t have natural feelings. “High heavens” suggest the extent to which he is questioning the power of love if the feelings are unrequited. Shelley also employs images of “kiss, kissing” which conjure images of intimacy which are all in vain, due to the feelings not being reciprocated.
(Your exploration of Shelley's use of the volta and natural imagery to convey the theme of unrequited love is well done.
It would be beneficial to draw a clearer connection between this analysis and the overarching question of how poets convey their ideas about the power of love, perhaps by discussing the emotional impact of these techniques on the reader.)
Furthermore, both poets continue to present their ideas of the power of love as constantly changing, as both poems have a shift in tone. Browning suggests at the end she “no longer think [s] of thee”, suggesting ideas of composure which are the dichotomy of her previously “wild” emotions, displaying the development and changing view she has on the power of love. The use of caesura are indicative of the abrupt change in her emotions and she has overcome the previously overwhelming power that her emotions had on her.
(This paragraph effectively identifies a shift in tone in Browning's poem, which is a key observation.
To enhance your analysis, consider discussing how this shift in tone reflects the complex nature of love's power and its impact on the individual. Additionally, linking this observation more explicitly to the question will strengthen your argument.)
In contrast, Shelley instead employs a deeply philosophical rhetorical device of “the values in kissing, if thou do not love me”. The arguably nihilistic ideas display how his obsession of his partner has overwhelmed him to the point where he questions and challenges the value of nature and duality of his surroundings. This is indicative of his ideas of “the power of love” being too great to be further pursued again at what he believes his soulmate doesn’t love him back.
(Your analysis of Shelley's philosophical approach and its implications for understanding the power of love is insightful.
To further improve, consider how this philosophical questioning enhances the reader's understanding of love's power and its potential to overwhelm. Linking this back to the question more directly would also be beneficial.)
Overall, both poets present their ideas of the extent of the power of love as constantly shifting and all encompassing at times, sometimes, “weigh down”.
(Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of your analysis, effectively tying back to the question. For a stronger conclusion, consider emphasizing the significance of these findings in relation to the poets' overall message about the power of love.)
Level: 5
Overall feedback:
Your essay demonstrates a thoughtful and detailed analysis of how both poets convey their ideas about the power of love through their use of language, imagery, and form. You've effectively compared and contrasted the poets' approaches, providing insightful observations on their techniques and the themes they explore.
To further enhance your response, ensure that each point directly links back to the question, emphasizing how these techniques convey the poets' ideas about the power of love. Additionally, consider exploring the emotional impact of these techniques on the reader to deepen your analysis.
What went well:
Your detailed analysis of language and imagery, as well as your understanding of the thematic and historical context of the poems, are particularly strong. You've also effectively identified and discussed the shifts in tone and their significance.
Even better if:
Your response could be improved by more explicitly linking each point back to the question and by exploring the emotional impact of the poets' techniques on the reader. Additionally, ensuring a more direct comparison between the poems throughout your essay would strengthen your argument.
You can try out Tilf for free - it will mark your first piece of writing (in English, humanities or 6 mark science answers for free, so you can see if it is any use to you).
I have only tested it for literature, and it is spot on for marking up to grade 8, and really useful for advice on how to improve in every grade, including 9.
Now Compare that to my Feedback
(I’ve written my comments so you will learn even more if you don’t study Love and Relationships!)
In both Sonnet 29 and Love’s Philosophy the speakers present the power of love to be greatly consuming and as something that can be constantly desired – common of the romantic period. However, while Shelley suggests ideas of love being fluid with themes of duality and the intersection with nature, Browning suggests the power of love can be all-consuming and perhaps overwhelming.
This is at least a 3 part thesis which starts straight away with comparison. This is a great way to show that you are comparing the poets’ points of view. It is mostly brilliant.
The weakness is that ‘ideas of love being fluid’ doesn’t make any sense yet - it is much too vague. What does it mean - love runs away like a river? Love changes shape like a puddle? Does that mean the person who loves, or who is loved. Vague. Vague. Vague.
Be specific - explain how.
Both speakers present the romantic power of love to be constantly desired and with the theme of duality. The mountains “mingle” with rivers and the sea, indicating Shelley’s view that the power of love and power of nature are almost intersectional. The verb “mingle” suggests a gentle meeting, contrasting the later verb of “clasp”, connoting both tenacity and desire. The contrasting verbs present Shelley’s ideas of how love can develop and change, on his persuasive piece of wanting a requited relationship.
I think ‘intersectional’ means inter connected here. I don’t even understand what intersectional is. Don’t reach for show off vocabulary - it is much more likely to lose you marks.
So this part gets no marks.
The last sentence also doesn’t make much sense.
The examiner is therefore left with some good analysis of individual words, and the way that they can be interpreted in dual ways. They get excited about this and award it Level 5 for AO2 because it looks ‘thoughtful’.
The way to do that is zoom in on individual words, and write about alternative interpretations.
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