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Raafey commented on your post Do You Want My Feedback on an Essay?.
This is an essay in which the Raafey has tried to memorise as much sophisticated vocabulary as possible.
Then Raafey has learned a range of critical perspectives. He looks at the human condition, Freudian psychoanalysis, the Durkheim framework (no, I have no idea either).
It is easy to be impressed by things. But do they actually get you the marks?
How does Golding Present Jack in Lord of the Flies
In his allegorical tragic parody—the novel “Lord of the Flies”—Golding examines human nature and its unavoidable innate propensity for savagery and violence in an animalistic manner. These primal desires and instincts are portrayed as being universally present in all human beings, especially in Jack, and Golding uses this novel as a cautionary tale to his contemporary readership, warning them about the human tendencies toward violence that are within us all.
He suggests that we should aim to control these primal urges using our moral compasses, to achieve our Freudian “ego”—a balance between innate, often violent and animalistic desires known as the “id”, and our moral and restrained tendencies known as the “superego”. Though he contrasts this, alluding to the idea that some people are represented by their ‘id’ like Jack who is presented as a ‘primal’ and ‘bloodthirsty’ character acting on his pleasure principle.
He writes this novel as an exposé of true human nature, suggesting that the propensity for such malevolence and violence is present deep within us all. At the beginning of the novel, Jack is confined by society’s rules. He mentions that they ‘have to have rules and obey them… we’re not savages… and the English are the best at everything.’ Here civilisation can be deemed weak. They turn to it because it is an invisible, indestructible force; however they soon realise they can be broken. Therefore Jack’s arrogant and ultimately ironic claim serves as a prolepsis for the future destruction and savagery that takes place on the island. Golding could perhaps be condemning the idealistic societal sentiment widespread in British society at the time that the English were almost morally infallible and always reasoned.
However, as we progress through the novel we observe how Jack realises the once indestructible societal constraints can be broken. Jack devolves slowly into a more frenzied state, first acknowledged when he wants to start hunting, ‘ the compulsion to track down and kill things was swallowing him up’. The lexeme ‘compulsion’ suggesting that this feeling is not something Jack has any control over. Rather it is almost instinctive for him or as a crazy addiction, he values hunting over the thought of getting rescued.
When Jack finally kills a pig, seen in the quote, ‘outwitted a living thing… like a satisfying drink’, it underscores his true desire. He claims it is a ‘necessity’. This is juxtaposed through the adjective ‘satisfying’, which shows he takes pleasure in killing. Though he can be seen as evil and barbaric, it also brings about the question of whether violence is a coping mechanism for the boys rather than it being human nature: the boys are illustrated as scared and vulnerable, but by imposing themselves they can gain a sense of control. This can be viewed contextually from the Parallel Bataan Death March which was where 75k American and Filipino troops were marched to prison camps, many dying through exhaustion and the rest from bayonets- as a result, it gave the Japanese a sense of control and dominance. By the boys doing that it shows their dominance and sense of control, so rather than it being a frenzied fantasy, it is rather them trying to gain power.
Later on in the novel, we see the full extent of Jack’s evil as he ‘sits upon his log throne… like an idol’. He is portrayed as a totalitarian authoritarian dictator… Someone to be idolised. The lexeme ‘idol’ has stereotypical connotations to native tribes, juxtaposing the previous statement ‘we’re English…’, they have transformed into what they previously looked down upon.
Furthermore, Jack ends up being the chief of the boys, alluding to the idea behind Milgram. He suggested that we don’t just follow leaders, we invent them. Jack in the framework of Freud in his book Group Psychology and the Analysis of the ego, is representative of the boy's projective identification: they do not want to feel responsible.
However, it shows the limit of Jack's power. He is at the mercy of the hunters: if they wanted to depose of him, he would be overthrown. In this way he is similar to Hitler. They both facilitate the people’s desire. Jack can also be observed from a Durkheim framework, and his theory of separation of sociology from psychology. The book rests on the premise that the behaviours of individuals in a group were different to isolation, as they lose their morality by engaging in horrific acts of violence.
This is emphasised by Jack who is lured to his primitive ‘id’: ‘he was safe from the shame of self-consciousness behind the mask of paint..’. This suggests he is liberated from societal constraints, society and self-consciousness. He can embrace true nature without guilt.
In conclusion, Jack's descent into evil in "Lord of the Flies" serves as a stark reminder of the fragility of morality and the inherent capacity for darkness within human nature.
814 words
What Does Tilf.io Think?
In his allegorical tragic parody—the novel “Lord of the Flies”—Golding examines human nature and its unavoidable innate propensity for savagery and violence in an animalistic manner. These primal desires and instincts are portrayed as being universally present in all human beings, especially in Jack, and Golding uses this novel as a cautionary tale to his contemporary readership, warning them about the human tendencies toward violence that are within us all.
This is a strong opening paragraph that sets the stage for a critical and conceptualized response. You effectively introduce Golding's exploration of human nature and its inherent savagery, particularly through the character of Jack.
The use of terms like 'allegorical tragic parody' and 'cautionary tale' demonstrates a sophisticated understanding of the text.
However, ensure that you maintain this level of analysis throughout your response.
He suggests that we should aim to control these primal urges using our moral compasses, to achieve our Freudian “ego”—a balance between innate, often violent and animalistic desires known as the “id”, and our moral and restrained tendencies known as the “superego”. Though he contrasts this, alluding to the idea that some people are represented by their ‘id’ like Jack who is presented as a ‘primal’ and ‘bloodthirsty’ character acting on his pleasure principle.
You delve into Freudian theory to explain Jack's character, which is insightful and adds depth to your analysis.
The comparison between Jack's 'id' and the 'superego' is well-articulated.
However, make sure to link these ideas back to specific examples from the text to strengthen your argument.
He writes this novel as an exposé of true human nature, suggesting that the propensity for such malevolence and violence is present deep within us all. At the beginning of the novel, Jack is confined by society’s rules. He mentions that they ‘have to have rules and obey them… we’re not savages… and the English are the best at everything.’ Here civilisation can be deemed weak. They turn to it because it is an invisible, indestructible force; however they soon realise they can be broken. Therefore Jack’s arrogant and ultimately ironic claim serves as a prolepsis for the future destruction and savagery that takes place on the island. Golding could perhaps be condemning the idealistic societal sentiment widespread in British society at the time that the English were almost morally infallible and always reasoned.
This paragraph provides a clear explanation of Jack's initial adherence to societal rules and the irony in his statements.
The use of the term 'prolepsis' is apt and shows a good understanding of literary techniques.
However, try to integrate more direct quotes and detailed analysis of Golding's language to support your points.
However, as we progress through the novel we observe how Jack realises the once indestructible societal constraints can be broken. Jack devolves slowly into a more frenzied state, first acknowledged when he wants to start hunting, ‘ the compulsion to track down and kill things was swallowing him up’. The lexeme ‘compulsion’ suggesting that this feeling is not something Jack has any control over. Rather it is almost instinctive for him or as a crazy addiction, he values hunting over the thought of getting rescued.
You effectively describe Jack's gradual descent into savagery and his compulsion to hunt. The use of the term 'lexeme' and the analysis of 'compulsion' are strong.
However, ensure that you consistently link these observations back to the question of how Golding presents Jack, rather than just describing his actions.
When Jack finally kills a pig, seen in the quote, ‘outwitted a living thing… like a satisfying drink’, it underscores his true desire. He claims it is a ‘necessity’. This is juxtaposed through the adjective ‘satisfying’, which shows he takes pleasure in killing. Though he can be seen as evil and barbaric, it also brings about the question of whether violence is a coping mechanism for the boys rather than it being human nature: the boys are illustrated as scared and vulnerable, but by imposing themselves they can gain a sense of control. This can be viewed contextually from the Parallel Bataan Death March which was where 75k American and Filipino troops were marched to prison camps, many dying through exhaustion and the rest from bayonets- as a result, it gave the Japanese a sense of control and dominance. By the boys doing that it shows their dominance and sense of control, so rather than it being a frenzied fantasy, it is rather them trying to gain power.
This paragraph offers a nuanced view of Jack's pleasure in killing and the potential coping mechanisms of the boys.
The historical parallel to the Bataan Death March is interesting but ensure it directly supports your analysis of Jack.
More direct textual evidence would strengthen this section.
Later on in the novel, we see the full extent of Jack’s evil as he ‘sits upon his log throne… like an idol’. He is portrayed as a totalitarian authoritarian dictator… Someone to be idolised. The lexeme ‘idol’ has stereotypical connotations to native tribes, juxtaposing the previous statement ‘we’re English…’, they have transformed into what they previously looked down upon.
You provide a vivid description of Jack's transformation into a dictator-like figure.
The analysis of the term 'idol' and its connotations is insightful.
However, ensure that you consistently link these observations back to the question of how Golding presents Jack.
Furthermore, Jack ends up being the chief of the boys, alluding to the idea behind Milgram. He suggested that we don’t just follow leaders, we invent them. Jack in the framework of Freud in his book Group Psychology and the Analysis of the ego, is representative of the boy's projective identification: they do not want to feel responsible.
The reference to Milgram and Freud adds depth to your analysis, but make sure these references are directly tied to specific examples from the text. This will help to ground your theoretical insights in the novel itself.
However, it shows the limit of Jack's power. He is at the mercy of the hunters: if they wanted to depose of him, he would be overthrown. In this way he is similar to Hitler. They both facilitate the people’s desire. Jack can also be observed from a Durkheim framework, and his theory of separation of sociology from psychology. The book rests on the premise that the behaviours of individuals in a group were different to isolation, as they lose their morality by engaging in horrific acts of violence.
This paragraph effectively discusses the limits of Jack's power and draws a parallel to Hitler.
The reference to Durkheim's theory is interesting, but again, ensure that these sociological insights are directly linked to specific textual evidence.
This is emphasised by Jack who is lured to his primitive ‘id’: ‘he was safe from the shame of self-consciousness behind the mask of paint..’. This suggests he is liberated from societal constraints, society and self-consciousness. He can embrace true nature without guilt.
You conclude with a strong statement about Jack's liberation from societal constraints.
The analysis of the quote 'he was safe from the shame of self-consciousness behind the mask of paint' is well-done.
However, ensure that your conclusion ties together all the points you've made throughout your response.
In conclusion, Jack's descent into evil in "Lord of the Flies" serves as a stark reminder of the fragility of morality and the inherent capacity for darkness within human nature.
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates the central argument about Jack's descent into evil.
However, it could be strengthened by briefly revisiting the key examples and analyses you've provided in the body of your response.
Level: 6
Mark: 30
(Scores are Beta features and may not be very accurate.)
Overall feedback: This is a highly sophisticated and well-structured response that demonstrates a deep understanding of Golding's presentation of Jack in 'Lord of the Flies'. Your use of theoretical frameworks and historical parallels adds depth to your analysis.
To further improve, ensure that all your theoretical insights are consistently tied back to specific textual evidence. Overall, an excellent piece of work.
What went well: Your response is critical, exploratory, and well-structured. You effectively use theoretical frameworks and historical parallels to deepen your analysis. Your understanding of literary techniques and your ability to articulate complex ideas are commendable.
Even better if: Ensure that all your theoretical insights are consistently tied back to specific textual evidence from the novel. This will help to ground your analysis and make your arguments even more convincing.
Additionally, try to integrate more direct quotes and detailed analysis of Golding's language throughout your response.
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My Marking
In his allegorical tragic parody—the novel “Lord of the Flies”—Golding examines human nature and its unavoidable innate propensity for savagery and violence in an animalistic manner. These primal desires and instincts are portrayed as being universally present in all human beings, especially in Jack, and Golding uses this novel as a cautionary tale to his contemporary readership, warning them about the human tendencies toward violence that are within us all.
This is a very detailed thesis statement. You know by now that you only need 3 ideas. These ideas are in italics.
They also count as explanations. As you know, points make prizes.
He suggests that we should aim to control these primal urges using our moral compasses, to achieve our FREUDIAN “ego”—a balance between innate, often violent and animalistic desires known as the “id”, and our moral and restrained tendencies known as the “superego”. He CONTRASTS this, alluding to the idea that some people are represented by their ‘id’ like Jack who is presented as a ‘primal’ and ‘bloodthirsty’ character acting on his pleasure principle.
Subject terminology can be the flash stuff, like FREUDIAN, but you get just as many marks for just saying what the writer does: CONTRASTS. Flash and fancy is not better.
The lack of quotes in this essay is a massive weakness. The full quote could have been: “He began to dance and his laughter became a bloodthirsty snarling”. You can see how “bloodthirsty snarling” could reinforce the idea that we are animalistic, which was introduced in the thesis statement.
‘Primal’ is not a quote, even though the Raafey has pretended it is. The examiner is highly unlikely to teach Lord of the Flies, and so doesn’t know the book well enough to spot this.
There are another 4 explanations in this paragraph (Total 7).
He writes this novel as an exposé of true human nature, suggesting that the propensity for such malevolence and violence is present deep within us all. At the BEGINNING of the novel, Jack is confined by society’s rules. He mentions that they ‘have to have rules and obey them… we’re not savages… and the English are the best at everything.’ Here civilisation can be deemed weak. They turn to it because it is an invisible, indestructible force; however they soon realise they can be broken. Therefore Jack’s arrogant and ultimately IRONIC claim serves as a PROLEPSIS for the future destruction and savagery that takes place on the island. Golding could perhaps be condemning the idealistic societal sentiment widespread in British society at the time that the English were almost morally infallible and always reasoned.
By starting at the beginning of the novel, and finishing with the end of the novel, you can show the examiner you are dealing with the whole of the text.
But this also tells the examiner you are looking at how the structure of the novel affects its meaning. Double points.
‘Prolepsis’ is a fancy name for foreshadowing. Is it better than foreshadowing? Not at GCSE. But, if you know the word, go ahead and use. I never have.
There are another 8 explanations (Total 15).
Methods (Total 5)
There are 4 references to context. By far the most important of these is using the word ‘society’ (civilisation counts as a synonym here). 4 societies.
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