If you read Imaan’s essay last week, you probably want to know what grade he achieved.
Let’s remind ourselves of the typical features which make the difference at grade 8 and 9.
Now, let’s compare that essay to one which scored 23/30, which is the top mark in grade 7.
This is a Grade 7 Essay From My Guide to Writing Essays on A Christmas Carol
You can find the guide here.
Response 12 June 2018
23 marks
Dickens uses the spirits to confront Scrooge with his actions and this causes his fears. At the beginning, Scrooge is afraid of the ghost of Jacob Marley. He is covered in chains which he explains are “the chains I forged in life”. Scrooge doesn’t believe his senses, claiming “the slightest thing can affect them, an undigested bit of beef”. He also refuses to believe that the phantom is real, telling it “There's more of a gravy than a gave about you”. Scrooge is portrayed as sensible and obsessed with wealth. He is as “hard and sharp as flint”. Yet the ghost of his old friend fills him with fear.
The Ghost of Christmas Past takes Scrooge to visit his childhood self, then as an apprentice, and then to see his old love Belle. Scrooge dreads seeing Belle because of how he treated her. She told him “Another idol has displaced me … a golden one”. He now realises how much he loved her and now regrets his treatment of her. He begs the spirit, “Torment me no longer”.
Scrooge is afraid of his death in the novel. But a greater fear is reliving the choices he has made, which causes the regret he now feels. This then helps Scrooge transform. For example, when he sees how well Mr Fezziwig treated him as an apprentice, and remembers the feelings of joy he experienced, Scrooge compares his own behaviour as an employer. He regrets how he has treated his clerk, Bob Cratchit.
However, the ghost who most terrifies Scrooge is the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. This hooded phantom looms over Scrooge. He shows Scrooge unpleasant events from his future. As soon as he sees the phantom, Scrooge appears to beg for mercy, “it came near him, Scrooge bent down upon his knee”. This begging CONTRASTS with how he used to be “hard and sharp as flint”. Now his fear affects him physically, his “legs trembling beneath him”. The moment which causes him most fear is when he is presented with the unknown corpse. He realises this must be his own corpse, and his intense feeling of loneliness prompts him to beg for forgiveness. The spirit refuses to answer, so this adds to Scrooge’s fears and sense of isolation.
Scrooge realises the dead man was unloved when he overhears the lawyers, one of whom says he’ll only go to the funeral “if lunch is provided”. He pleads with the Ghost to show him anyone who had any sadness at the man’s death. However, the spirit only shows him people who are happy at his death. His greatest fear is realising that he has spent his life excluding those who love him, like Fred and Belle. Now he realises that it has done him no good.
To conclude, Scrooge doesn’t just have typical fears. He fears that no one will miss him, and he regrets causing this. The ghost has shown him this very dramatically, and this has frightened Scrooge into transforming. He becomes empathetic, decides to become “a second father” to Tiny Tim. He hopes that this will mean, at his death, some people will care and mourn his death.
Original 664 words
527 words
· Thesis Statement Yes
· Explanations 18
· Quotes 11
· 1-3 word quotes 1
· NAMED METHODS 1
· Society/era/patriarchal/Victorian/contemporary/ Malthusian/ Poor Laws etc 0
· Dickens 1
· Exploratory Could*, Might*, May*, Perhaps*, Probably* 0
· Conclusion Yes
· Paragraphs 6
· Words per paragraph 67
My Comments
Once again, we have a thesis statement. Once again it fails to answer the ‘why’. Where are Dickens’ ideas?
On the one hand, the students is doing what I recommend. The student has said:
‘Sorry, AQA, I know that starting with the extract will stop me writing a logical argument. I know it will stop me from writing a convincing answer. I know it will stop me writing an essay. So, I am going to work through chronologically, just like Mr Salles tells me to do!’
But, I also say, ‘lay out your argument in a thesis statement which explains Dickens’ wider ideas.’ This student hasn’t learned that lesson.
Yet this student still gets a grade 7 without once considering Dickens’ wider ideas! This is good news for you, because it means you don’t have to know much at all for a grade 7.
But, grade 7 is not to be sniffed at. So how did the student manage to get the grade?
Let’s break it down:
They wrote quite a lot (664 words) – which is still only 17 words per minute, so very doable.
They started at the beginning, and worked their way through the novel chronologically. This is always the easiest way to develop an argument.
They focused on how and why Scrooge changes. These are all Dickens’ narrow ideas about the character, but they are still great. They are backed up with 11 quotes. 4 of these have come from the extract.
They have revised quotes which are the usual bankers – hard and sharp as flint, the chains I forged, a golden one (idol) – they know these will fit every single question.
But they have also decided to impress the examiner by having some lesser known ones – the ‘lunch is provided’, ‘gravy than a grave’. This will make the AO1 marks references to the text, and to the whole task, higher. (The examiner is impressed by having more quotes – they don’t need to be little known quotes).
Writing about how the character changes is an easy way to get grade 7, and following the character chronologically makes this easy to plan for every essay.
Yet it would have been so easy for this student to then explain why Dickens makes Scrooge change in these ways. Grade 8 and 9 are just hanging there, waiting to be plucked from the tree.
All you have to do is reach up.
Examiner
Each paragraph is a clear explanation.
The essay moves into level 5 in paragraph 4, about the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, because of the way references and quotations are used.
It also deals well with Dickens’ ideas and perspectives.
So the response to task, for AO1, also moves into Level 5 by the end of this paragraph.
Overall, the answer is stronger for AO1 and AO3.
To improve, the student should focus more on explaining Dickens’ methods. This will get a higher mark for AO2.
Here’s Imaan’s Presented as Separate Explanations
Throughout the novella ‘A Christmas Carol’ Dickens presents regret as being a fundamental TOOL that guides Scrooge on his journey to redemption.
Dickens uses regret to show his readers that a powerless emotion like regret can be used to spark a journey of transformation
that can benefit yourself and others.
The beginning of Scrooge’s journey to redemption starts when he meets Marley’s ghost who acts as a catalyst for Scrooge’s introspection.
Marley offers us an unsettling yet didactic display of regret. “I wear the chain I forged in life … I girded it of my own free will”. Marley is presented as being doomed in purgatory and so, although he’s imprisoned by his “chain”, he says he “wear[s]” it.
The use of the word “wear” creates the impression that he’s been accustomed to his sins as though they’ve become an accessory that he’s reluctantly being forced to show off.
Marley’s ongoing drudgery acts as a warning to Scrooge.
Dickens uses ALLUSIONS TO CHRISTIANITY to emphasise to his wealthy readers that “covetous sinner[s]” like them and Scrooge will face eternal doom if they don’t change their ways.
Marley’s reference to “free will” further emphasises Dickens’ message that being a ‘sinner’ is a powerful choice which we must overcome.
The ghost of Christmas past offers the readers and Scrooge an insight into arguably Scrooge’s biggest regret. The FLASHBACK to Belle breaking off their engagement is where we see Scrooge take his first steps to redemption as his past regret overwhelms him with emotion.
Belle uses RELIGIOUS IMAGERY with “Another idol has replaced me… a golden one”. Dickens purposefully does this to criticise Scrooge’s obsession with wealth and the word “idol” highlights how much he worships it.
Here Dickens may be pointing out to his readers how obsessions with materialistic items are what blind us to the suffering of others without them.
Belle abandoning Scrooge just caused him to immerse himself more into material values as a defence mechanism in order to avoid any more pain.
However the fact that there was a time where Scrooge was able to form loving relationships is Dickens trying to point out to his readers that no one was born “cold”
and that we all have the ability to change.
The regret Scrooge faces from this is so uncommon to his “solitary” self that he says “Haunt me no longer!” The use of the word “haunt” highlights how Scrooge is unable to face the truth of his past as he’s too ashamed.
Dickens deliberately CONSTRUCTS Scrooge this way to explore the psychology of his readers.
He knows that if his readers examine their pasts to see how that’s influenced their character, they can find the key needed for them to unlock a kinder, more generous version of themselves, just like Scrooge.
As the novella progresses, Scrooge’s past unlocks more regret for him. Fezziwig was CONSTRUCTED by Dickens as an example of what he wanted his readers to aspire to be.
When Scrooge defends Fezziwig to the ghost saying “the happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune”, Scrooge is ironically challenging his own cold Malthusian views.
Dickens uses Fezziwig and this quote to show his readers that the true value of your wealth comes from how you use it to benefit others.
The IRONY here leads Scrooge to another moment of regret: “I should like to say a word or two…that’s all”, to his “clerk” Bob. This signifies that Scrooge is changing and that he’s utilising his regret of his earlier mistreatment to Bob as a sign that he needs to change things between them.
Despite this, the word “should” creates the impression that Scrooge isn’t entirely comfortable in fixing his mistake yet, which is Dickens’ way of showing us that journeys to redemption aren’t always easy and quick.
Once Scrooge learns of Bob’s predicament and Tiny Tim, Scrooge’s journey soars as he actively tries to correct everything he regrets.
Scrooge’s question to the Ghost of Christmas Present about whether or not Tiny Tim will live indicates that he cares about others and therefore he regrets his treatment of Bob.
The extent of Scrooge’s care is shown through Stave 5 when he buys the Cratchits a turkey “twice the size of Tiny Tim”.
This may imply that Scrooge purposefully chose it for him and considering that Tiny Tim was CONSTRUCTED as a SYMBOL of those disadvantaged in society,
Scrooge’s care for him highlights his newfound generosity and kindness.
“I will live in the Past, the Present and the Future!” is Dickens’ way of reminding his readers to ask themselves how they’ve become who they are
and what they need to do in order to change for the better.
Because if Scrooge can change, then everyone can change.
The tenses are CAPITALISED to reinforce this idea and show the importance of it.
The word “will” solidifies Scrooge’s transformation, perhaps showing how he has no regrets.
The exclamatory sentence implies his excitement in becoming this new kind person with a new life ahead of him.
In conclusion, Dickens utilises regret throughout his novella to show his wealthy employer readers that regret can be powerful when used correctly in order to improve oneself
and therefore society.
Ok, so this tells us that it feels a bit more like a grade 8 than a grade 9.
But it is definitely not a grade 7, because those essays average only 26 or 27 explanations!
Paid subscribers get a top grade resource with my marking every week. Today’s essay is a bonus post, with the rest of my marking to tell you whether this is a grade 8 essay, or a grade 9.
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